So the topic of the day is about good deeds. My boss actually just did a good deed. I was his charity project. My boss and I have the exact same phone, his is protected by a fancy case and looks neat and professional. Mine has a case that is all taped up with air bubbles on the plastic screen. Needless to say it is not in the best condition. He got his cell case at a fancy electronics store for $30. I can't justify spending $30 on a cell case even if it's purple (my fave color) so I'm stuck with my taped up cell phone case until I can find a cheap one and are able to buy it. When I mentioned this to him he told me to look it up on ebay and see how much it would cost.
So today browsing ebay for a water cooler for the office, I looked up the exact same purple case in ebay and I found it for $9.95. Of course I couldn't buy because a. I'm at the office, so I shouldn't be looking up cell phone cases anyway and b. I don't have $9.95 to spend on it. I see this as a "want" not a "need" and we're on a "need-only" basis right now. So right before I left I told him that I had found that case on ebay for cheaper. He asked if I had gotten it yet and I said no. He asked why and I said because I couldn't. I really didn't want to say that I didn't have the money because that would be embarrassing, but I'm a horrible liar and he knows our situation so he asked if I hadn't gotten it because I didnt' want to or because I didn't have the money. I couldn't really lie and I said because of the money but I tried to blurt out that my husband was getting paid Friday so that I would probably be able to buy it over the weekend. He didn't listen and he pulled out a $10 bill and tried to give it to me.
I don't like asking for money, or for any type of help actually. I'm too proud. I've had to do it before and I've always hated doing it, so I didn't want to take his money. He just stuck it between the pages of a book that I was carrying in my arms and said "Didn't we say that I see you as my daughter? Take it." It's true. He sees me as his daughter and has helped me in countless occasions and in the same way I see him as a sort of paternal figure that I can look to for guidance. The phone rang seconds later and he took the call and I left.
This should be the point of the story in which there's a happy ending and I get my new purple phone case, but that's not all. As I was leaving I saw a man walking on the sidewalk, carrying a red gas tank, the ones you use for the gas for the mower. He was waving and trying to get my attention. I pretended like I didn't see him, knowing full well that he would ask me for money for gas. Now, let me pause here and say that the neighborhood in which I work is not the best, I used to work at a church in which a lot of homeless people would come in asking for money for gas and would end up using it to buy booze. I can't count the times that people tried to trick us into giving them money. So I'm a little skeptical when anybody tries to approach me in the car, you can never be too safe. Anyway, I had to drive past the guy which at this point is in the middle of the street trying to get my attention again and another car coming up the other side drives up and stops and the guy starts talking to them. I drove past them without stopping thinking, "I have a $10 bill in my wallet that he probably needs more than I do". This makes me feel guilty. God only knows if the man was really in need because I didn't stop to talk to him, what I saw was that the other car who stopped gave him some money, so I don't know. And as if God was sending me a signal and the next stoplight there was a cop car. I think it was God's way of telling me "You know your situation, don't ever forget what you can do for others."
I feel guilty because I could've done something and I didn't. I also feel guilty because my boss doesn't know that we just leased a brand new car. Most people would assume that we have money if we can lease a new car, but really, my husband is finally back at his regular job and hours so he's working more which means more money. Which means that we can afford to make a car payment, but that doesn't mean that we have extra spending money. Does that make sense? Oh well, I know people are going to judge, just like I have judged them before. I can't stop people from judging me but I can try my best and not judge others. My question now is: what do I do with the $10? Do I get my phone case? Pay it forward and save it for another good deed? I don't know, what would you do?
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